25 Jun 2006

Call Me Whomever...

I see only darkness, but I know there is light at ‘my’ end.

You would probably think why I used the word ‘my’. You could also tell yourself, ‘should not the writer be more optimistic in life, and recall the old saying, there is always light at the end of a long dark tunnel’, or whatever it is.
I am still grueling over for that spark of light in this dark, desolate tunnel which has been confirmed to be my life.

I see only darkness, but I know there is light.

I am trying, trying so hard, yet I see I am not getting anywhere. I see myself running, where to? …into those patches of darkness, devouring me. How do I stop myself? Im still on the move.
I see myself going nowhere.

I see only darkness, but then, where is my light?

I feel entrapped in the confines of my own home. This house of my mother, my father, my soul mate. My past, my present and my future.
I am old and weary. I feel old and weary. I am without food, clothing and a home.

Where am I then, God? Who or, what is it that moves in front of me? What is it that I feel when my fingers touch something warm, or cold? What is this kind of mattress upon which I rest where I feel only water, mud and bone? Where have you brought me dear God?

Why have you banned me from my natural senses; and yet, let me live??! Is this punishment for letting me see ‘my light’ for the first few years of my upbringing? Is it all over for me now? If so, then why, pray tell, does not my soul wither away from my rotten body and leave me in peaceful bliss for eternity. What have I done to you?

You have prohibited me from enjoying and reveling at your wonders; from lending an ear to the music you have created. Oh, yes you have given me a voice; but then, what good is a voice when one cannot hear oneself. What do I say; do you understand me, Lord? If so, then release me, Lord. Give me freedom; give me life from this life.
Am I the only one in such a flaccid stage of life, lying loose between Heaven and where I reside now, Hell? Am I alone? Have you condemned others as well? Why are you taking so much time to reply, Lord?

Where am I, Lord?

Darkness reigns; so then, where is my light?

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